Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Jalen Rose And His (Lack Of) Knowledge Of Music History

In a recent radio interview with Jaime Samuelsen of Detroit’s 97.1 “The Ticket”, Jalen Rose disparaged the media for being lazy when they began describing the USA Women’s Gymnastic gold medal winning team “The Fab Five”. I applaud his dedicated work to trademark the phrase “Fab Five” to ensure that it is never again used in a fraudulent manor that will make his Michigan Wolverine’s basketball team appear in a negative light or in a demeaning way (outside of how they already appear for being a bunch of knuckleheads).

In Rose’s own words: To use the nickname just points and screams of lazy journalism by the national media, that’s really what it is,”… “It’s no fault at all of the young gymnasts. But I really wish they would have come up with an even more creative tag for them and their gold medal pursuit.”

As a fan of early-1990s NCAA Men’s Basketball losers I stand by Rose and I go a step further by saying

How dare the media be so blatantly lazy by stealing the nickname of a beloved group of young men!

This is a travesty of epic proportions that has never been seen in the history of this entire world and I demand an apology from every single media outlet that has ever used the term FAB “insert number here” to describe anyone but the wonderful and talented collection of Jalen Rose, Chris Webber, Juwan Howard, Ray Jackson and Jimmy King.

I am waiting…

Nah… just kidding…Apparently Jalen has never heard that little-known British band The Beatles, full of floppy haired musicians, who attempted to ride the coattails of the original Fab Five by claiming the inappropriate nickname of the Fab Four in 1963, 10 years before the elegant Mr. Rose was born unto this world.

I know hindsight is 20/20 but I would be a rich man if I had trademarked terms such as “Losers”, “Historical Footnote”, “Scapegoat”, “Marginal Career”, “Michigan Looses Again”, “Choke Artist” and “Dumbass” in 1991 before Jalen Rose ever made a name for himself (by loosing). Hell, he should be excited that the name “Fab Five” is finally connected to someone who came through and won when it counted.

And before anyone considers it, I have already trademarked the phrase “Jalen Rose is a bonehead!”

I promise, this is my last rant for awhile. Now back to your regularly scheduled sports card stories...

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